In fact, according to NBC, ABC and CBS, there are over 100 million people here today, and while that seems very difficult to believe, who am I to question the veracity of the very media that did so much to get Barack Obama elected. At this point, it’s best to just trust them.  That’s what I’ve found.

All I can say is: Wow!  What a week its been!  It seems like anybody who’s anybody is here: celebrities, environmentalists, lobbyists, animal rights activists, anti-war protestors, the anti-gun crowd , the make-drugs-legal people, corrupt politicians, brainwashed college students, union leaders, radical college professors, souvenir salesmen, domestic terrorists, foreign campaign contributors, racist mentors… I mean, just the best America has to offer.

Oh and I only wish that all of you could have been here to see Bruce Springsteen sing his new song: “America the Wasteful” or the Dixie Chicks play their new hit single: “Round Them Up”, a touching song about George W. Bush voters.  But if you want to talk about genuine emotion and raw intelligence, I’ve got to mention George Clooney’s key note speech…when he said that Dick Cheney should be tarred, feathered and run up a flag pole for winning the Iraq War…I think he really meant it.  I really do.  And boy did this crowd of 100 million respond.  I swear I saw a few Cheney dolls burning in effigy.  It was just that kind of beautiful scene.

The Obama administration spared no expense either.  From installing Constitution toilet paper in the port-o-potties to distributing F-U Bush bumper stickers to waiving the taxes for all attendees of the Barack Obama nativity play, it was first class all the way.

I’d be remiss too if I didn’t mention the petitions.  My gosh the petitions.  Its seems like every time I turned around there was a petition shoved in my face: there was one to ban meat, and one to ban CO2, and one to ban the military or at least the weapons the military uses, and one to send George W. Bush to prison, and one to stop using numbers in math, and one to make Obama president for life, and come to think of it, weirdly enough, one to make Hillary and Bill co-presidents for life.  I must admit I signed a few of them.  I guess I just got caught up in the excitement, but I drew the line at the petition that wanted to ban humans from the earth.  That one was a little weird.  Anyway, it was so exciting to see so many Americans working together to create real change.  I mean, the vision that these people possess.  Would you ever even think to ban humans from the earth?  Me either.  Incredible.

I actually feel sorry for all of you who haven’t bought in to the Obama craze, those who can’t be here because you are trying to support your family without help from the Obama administration.  So, in the spirit of Barack, as a public service, I am going to give you a sense of what it’s like to actually be here by doing a few interviews.  Here comes someone now:

Todd Carges:   “Hi…how are you…can I ask you a couple of questions for the people 
                        at home?”

Obama Fanatic #1: “Sure…we’re here partying it up here.  It’s without a doubt the best 
                                DAY OF MY LIFE!!!”

Todd Carges:    “That’s great. Where are you from?”

Obama Fanatic #1: “Originally from California…but I’ve spent the last year traveling all
                                 over the country…ON BUSINESS! BABY!!”

Todd Carges: “Really…what kind of business?”

Obama Fanatic #1: “The Obama business. I work for ACORN. I am a 
                                professional voter and we did it baby. We got Obama elected and 
                                I'M LOVIN IT!!!”

Todd Carges:  “How exciting!!! On a serious note thought, why did you come here this
                         week?”

Obama Fanatic #1: “WHOOOO HOOOO…I'm being paid to be here too. I get $25.   
                                for every Bush insult I yell."
 
Todd Carges: "Really?  How much have you made so far?"

Obama Fanatic #1:   "$32,000.  It's so easy...watch this..."

Todd Carges: "Oh my gosh, he just passed out...from the all the excitement no doubt.”

Let’s see if I can grab someone a bit more conscious to speak with. Here comes a lovely woman now.

Todd Carges: “Hi, can I ask you a few questions for the folks back home.”

Obama Fanatic #2: “Sure.  I love the folks back home.”

Todd Carges: “Let’s get right to it: why did you come here this week?”

Obama Fanatic #2: “Because I love Obama, he is a genius and amazing and he is going
                                 to change everything.  I just had to be here.”

Todd Carges: “What specifically do you think Obama will change once he
                        gets in office?”

Obama Fanatic #2: “From what I’ve been told…I won’t have to pay my mortgage 
                                anymore; I won’t have to pay my credit cards either.  He is also
                                going to stop Global Warming and make sure that we all go to 
                                heaven.”

Todd Carges: “Amazing. I don’t even remember him promising that last part about
                         heaven. Let me ask you this…what do you think about Joe Biden?”

Obama Fanatic #2: “Never heard of him.”

Todd Carges: “Thanks for your time. Enjoy the change.”

All right, I’m almost out of time here.  I only have 15 minutes to get to the symposium that CNN has put together: How Barack Obama is Exactly like Abraham Lincoln Even Though He Hasn’t Even Taken Office Yet and Abraham Lincoln Held the Country Together during the Civil War.  It should be fascinating to hear members of the media explain this one.  I can hardly wait.

So, this is Todd Carges, witnessing history, with tears in my eyes, signing off. God Bless America.


...more columns by Todd A. Carges